January 2012
7 posts
Amoeba Register Dude Joke
What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?
It may take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.
Planning to Make a Plan
For the past few years, I’ve lived my life under the premise that the plan was not to make a plan. Let the wind blow me where it may. Let the currents push me out and back.
I’m not sure that’s working for me anymore.
A few friends of mine made some pretty awesome 2012 plans. A list of goals might be a better way to describe it. They’re ambitious and admirable. They...
December 2011
1 post
“She has many interests, like Barbara.”
– Yohei, a Japanese friend, in response to the amount Piggie Smalls sniffs during a walk.
“Did you know that elves can eat 423 candy canes in an hour? And that’s...”
– Zappos automated email telling me my order has shipped
November 2011
10 posts
“Did you know that elves work at twice the speed of humans and only require sugar...”
– Zappos automated email reply to my purchase
“You know they say turkeys are so dumb they’ll drown in a rainstorm from...”
– My Dad, Happy Thanksgiving!
Last Night's Dinner--My First Attempt at My...
Me: I think your balls are better.
Brett (shrugging): I don't know. Your balls are pretty delicious too.
Star Wars Insight
I just watched the first two episodes (or I guess they’re not the the “first” two, but the first two whatshisname made) and although I truly dislike the gold robot guy, I envy that he can simply be turned off.
I desperately need a vacation from my brain.
Not having health care means having patience.
Patience to wait more than 2 hours at Planned Parenthood just to get your birth control prescription refilled.
For. The. Love.
Bienvenidos a la Family
World, meet Rocky, Piggie Smalls new and first-ever cousin!
Weighing in at just about four pounds, Rocky is quiet, enjoys chewing make-up sponges and laying around on old towels. He’s a pup, so he’s still got a lot to learn and I think Piggie Smalls is just the girl to do the trick! I can’t wait for them to meet!
birdrabbit asked: barbaraaaaaa!
Save Some Huevos
Hello World!!!!
A few years ago a dear friend of mine (Walid, thank you), introduced me to Movember, a movement dedicated to awareness, education, survivorship and research surrounding male cancer. The group dedicates the month of November (aka Movember) to raise money to support said goals, as well as organizations such as the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LIVESTRONG, the Lance Armstrong...
October 2011
7 posts
“I didn’t realize I was joining a new club.”
– Myself, on turning 30
Five Years Ago Today...
…I was 25.
This morning, I can’t help but wonder at how much has changed as I attempt to embrace and wrap my head around the fact that I’m now 30.
But five years later, I’m still doing my best to smile always and not take myself too seriously. The latter, perhaps, is prominently becoming the biggest challenge with each passing year.
But today, it’s my birthday....
Walks with Piggie
Piggie Smalls and I take two walks a day, and without fail happen upon the most random and interesting shit on nearly every other block. I never bring my phone, but have decided documentation of said randomness is necessary.
So here’s the first installment of a new category for my blog: “Walks with Piggie.”
Today’s features an eyesore we see at the beginning and end of...
September 2011
11 posts
On Obama's Recent Trip to Los Angeles
Mom: Did you vote for Obama?
Me: Yes.
Mom: So did I, but I didn't tell your dad.
(My dad voted for Obama, too.)
Reason #12 Why I'm Glad to Be Home
Today, my parents came and picked up Piggie Smalls when I was at work because I’m on a six day stretch and they’re gonna babysit her for a couple of them so she’s not all cooped up. When I got home, I found this on my counter—some of my most favorite treats and a roll of quarters—because they know I’m stressed, exhausted and over it. I love them.
When 80's Aren't Just Goodies Anymore
In less than a month, I will no longer be a member of the 20’s club. I’m not going to mourn any kind of loss. Thirty, I embrace you. That being said, I don’t sense I’m going to be overly jazzed about no longer starting my age with the number 2.
In any case, I realized how long three decades on this planet is yesterday when I heard Billy Idol’s “White...
A First
I may almost be 30, but there seems to be an abundant amount of “have yets” in my life. Simple ones. Things most people my age experienced 15 years ago.
For starters, I have yet to see the Star Wars movies. Any of them. It should come as no surprise, then, that I have also never seen any Star Trek episodes. And it’s not that I’m not a fan of sci-fi, I like sci-fi.
This...
2 tags
Reason #335 Why I'm Glad to Be Home
I have the opportunity to torture my father on a regular basis.
Ilana Gets an Antibiotic Shot
Doctor: Guess where this is going to go?
Ilana: My arm? [with nervous giggle/hope]
Me: Your butt!!!
Doc: Correct.
Ilana: Wait, what? Why? No, this is mortifying. Can't we do it somewhere else?
Doc: Sorry, nope. Now there's two ways we can do this. You can lay down or stand up.
Ilana: Um, yeah. I'm gonna take it like a man and stand up. [thoroughly flustered/getting flushed]
Doc: Well then, you're going to need to bend over.
August 2011
4 posts
4 tags
July 2011
3 posts
2 tags
Reason #889 Why I'm Glad to Be Home
Dad: I'm not antisocial, I just don't like to be around people.
Me: I think that's the definition of antisocial.
Dad: Oh whatever. Go tweater that.
June 2011
8 posts
1 tag
Served with a Side of Snark
The motto of the restaurant I work at is literally, “Ass, cash or grass, nobody eats for free.” It prints out on the bottom of every receipt I drop.
So far, all I’ve gotten is paper or plastic. I’m eagerly anticipating the day someone offers me sex or marijuana in return for their meal. I’m not sure how I’ll respond, but I know the moment will be epic.
Until...
1 tag
WatchPiggie Smalls likes to run around my apartment at 500 mph when we get back from a walk or after a bath. Today was special because it was raining. This video reenactment in no way, shape or form captures her magic and energy, but she’s just way too fast, and I had to share somehow.
3 tags
1 tag
I Made Something and I Am Proud
This feeling is a first for me. A very first.
Here is one page of a sketch book I made as part of a project through Art House Co-op. If you’d like to see more (maybe even the whole book!), which I would love you to do, click on the delicious looking ice cream sandwiches.
