I have nothing else left to set on fire.

My Mom and Dad are driving cross country, well to Iowa and back, to visit my great aunt who lives there and is turning 100 in August. My Dad figured out how to use the hotel wifi and I got this email:

Am in a town of about 7,500 people at a Super 8. Yea I know Super 8 come on dad. Well there is an international antique fair about 50 miles away and you can not get in anywhere they are all booked up. Crazy. We went into town to eat this evening and guess what? When we walked out we had the only non American car on the whole street.  Scarey there was not another foreign car in sight anywhere.

These people are hard core.

Dear Barbara Sueko McGuire:

Thanks so much for giving us the opportunity to consider your work for Slice. Due to the high volume of submissions we receive, we regret that we aren’t able to respond to each submission personally. We’ve been thoroughly impressed by the quality of the work that we’ve received. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to include your piece in our next issue of Slice. We’d love to consider more of your work in the future, though, so please do continue submitting to us.

Best wishes,

The Editors

Fun!

Dear Barbara Sueko McGuire:

Thank you for sending us “UnKnowing.”

Barbara,

We thought you had some interesting themes going on in this piece. However, there seems to be a lack of a through line, or something that puts all the pieces together to construct a full story. If good non-fiction is a combination of remembrance and reflection, I think the memories here are too random to form a story for the reader which can then be reflected on.

Unfortunately this particular piece was not a right fit for Front Porch, but we were very impressed by your writing. We hope that you will feel encouraged by this short note and send us something else.

We look forward to reading more.

Sincerely,

The Editors of Front Porch

whilstinsf:

Also, Los Angeles right now.

dearesteveryone:

Dearest Men Who Go Clothing Shopping with Their Girlfriends,

Dudes. No matter how hard you try to reclaim your masculinity by shoving your tongue down your girlfriend’s throat and then grabbing her ass in the middle of H&M, we are all still going to recognize that she has removed your balls from in between your legs and stashed them in her purse.

Keep it real bro,

Me