December 2009
27 posts
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So yeah...
Haven’t had me a computer since Christmas Eve. I nearly cried when the Apple Genius told me he was going to have to take my baby for 7-10 business days.
“What?!” I said. “Can I have a loner?”
He was cold as the snow on the ground when he responded, ignoring the panic in my voice: “You can buy a computer and then return it within 14 days and pay the restocking...
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Some times, I hate technology
My internet isn’t working right now. I don’t know why. Time Warner doesn’t know why. Road Runner doesn’t know why. Apple Care doesn’t know why. I’m stealing someone else’s wireless which is weak and slow and annoying. Remember the days of dial-up? How did we ever survive?
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Time for la la… Time to dream of someone...
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“On cold days a man can see his breath, on a hot day he can’t. On both occasions, the man breathes.”
—Zadie Smith, White Teeth
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Reason #333 Why I Miss My Parents
My Mom is Awesome Part Trois
Another day, another classic email. Isn’t she the greatest?!
Oh this was on a license plate: RDZ2KDZ of course you know where I saw this. :) :) :)
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Ethical Dilemma
Not telling people certain things will definitely not hurt them, but I hate when it leaves them completely clueless.
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Rejection Letter of the Day Round 2 (#4)
Dear Barbara Sueko McGuire: Thank you very much for submitting work to A Public Space. Although this submission isn’t right for the magazine, we hope you will keep us in mind for future work. Sincerely, A Public Space
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Rejection Letter of the Day (#3)
An editor at Meridian has reached a decision on your submission, which included: “UnKnowing” Comments from the editor follow: Thank you for submitting your work to Meridian. While your work was carefully considered, we are unfortunately unable to accept it for publication at this time. Please do consider submitting again. We are specifically looking for nonfiction that goes beyond...
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“Wouldn’t it be crazy if my parents ran the Farmer’s Deli…” my Caucasian, of-Connecticut-elk, co-worker Teddy wondered aloud the other day. The Farmer’s Deli is the corner bodega we buy ice from every day. He paused, lost in genuine thought, before adding this: “…if my parents were Asian?”
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Santa's Evil Elf
Last night an Evil Elf threw a candy cane at me in a bar. It missed and hit the wall but at that point I’d had enough of this dude’s childish antics. He’d been creepy all night, not even trying to start a conversation with me, but instead staring and doing drive bys. At one point he invited my friend and I to sit with him, but walked away before we could respond.
Regardless, I...
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Perhaps I Need a Vacation...
Kitty (fellow cynic waitress): Some girl just asked me what the Herbal Detox tea detoxes.
Me: All that shit you put up your nose last night.
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Metric - Help I’m Alive
I really like it...
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A Moment of Clarity on My Fire Escape
What if this is always how it was going to be?
What if this is how it’s supposed to be?
What if today is today and yesterday is today and tomorrow is today, too?
What if this is the way it will always be?
What if there were no other way than now? What if now is my life?
What if this is okay, and okay—just okay—is okay?
What if I don’t want more, or less?
(But it all...
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Reason #101 Why I Miss My Parents
My Mom is Awesome Part Deux
The jokes via email just keep coming…
Oh last night on Huell he was at a bell convention in Pasadena.
Do you know why cows have bells? Their horns don’t work. :)
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Reason #67 Why I Miss My Parents
My Mom Is Awesome
She cut out the side of the Honey Nut Cheerios box and has been saving it just so she could email me this:
Here’s the silly bee jokes:
1. Why do bees buzz? They can’t whisle. 2. Where does Buzz catch the bus? At the buzz stop. 3. Why is Buzz’s hair so sticky? He used his honey comb. 4. What do you call a bee that can never make up its mind? A may bee.
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Rejection Letter of the Day (#2)
Dear Barbara Sueko McGuire: We regret that your manuscript does not fit our current editorial needs, but we appreciated the opportunity to consider your work. Thanks very much for submitting. Sincerely, The Editors of Ploughshares
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Reason #13 Why I Miss My Parents
“I’m like a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed bullshit.”
—My Father, in regards to being the only male in the family
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Some times I hear this song in my head when I walk...
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Rejection Letter of the Day, Sigh
Dear Barbara, Thanks for this submission. It isn’t quite right for us at the moment, but feel free to submit in the future (It sounds like you’re involved in some very interesting projects, as well). Good luck placing this piece elsewhere, The Editors
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