Reason #123 Why I Miss My Parents
Mom: Mmmm, that cheesecake was good. I didn't even heat it up.
Me: Mom, you don't heat up cheesecake.
Dad: Your mother would heat up ice cream if she could.
This picture is the story of my life.
Let It Dough!
Rejection Letter of the Day (#11)
Haven’t gotten one of these in a while (not b/c I’ve been getting acceptance letters, but because I haven’ t been sending anything out). Forgot how much it sucks. Hello Barbara, On behalf of MARY: A Journal of New Writing, I would like to extend our gratitude for your submission “Unknowing” to our journal. Unfortunately, we were not able to publish your work in ...
Reason #87 Why I Miss My Parents
Got this forwarded email from my Dad yesterday: Please take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of all traffic crashes are alcohol-related. This means that the remaining 77% of traffic crashes are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and...
Dangit, I'm Thirsty!
What: The name of my friend Brie’s reading series Where: DBA Brooklyn, 113 North 7th Street When: 8:30 pm Who: Me reading something I haven’t figured out yet
Tissue Paper Prints
My hands are so dry that the screen on my phone doesn’t realize I’m touching it. I keep being unable to end phone calls, and just sit there tapping away, changing from finger to finger until the other person hangs up first. What’s more, it hurts like a motherfucker having my skin like the Sahara. The tips of my fingers are cracking, it’s hangnails galore and my nails keep...
10 days, 22 hours, 30 minutes, 38 seconds
I woke up the other morning, looked in the mirror and realized that my face has achieved that pale and patsy color that usually awaits it in January and February. It’s early December, this is not good news. The pale and patsy is one of those conundrums in which no matter how you do your hair, rethink your makeup or style your outfit, you’re just not gonna look good. It’s a bad...
I Want One (In Theory)
Found this in my purse after babysitting Melanie’s two best friends, sisters named Avery and Bailey. I swear, kids are amazing. The littlest things they do mean so much more simply because they don’t yet have the capacity to know how meaningful their actions are.
Reason #742 Why I Miss My Parents
A recent email from Pops included this gem of advice: Have a good week and don’t let the buggers get to you. Just picture them all naked with a cream pie in their face on 5th Ave.