The emails continue:

Just so I get this right,  your discriminating palette calls for Pinot Noir from Paso Robles Ca. I will check and see what is on sale next time I am there. This is correct.
Love U
dad

Do you want to do the staining on the shelves or should I go ahead and just finish them off.
let me know.
from
same person

Today, my parents came and picked up Piggie Smalls when I was at work because I’m on a six day stretch and they’re gonna babysit her for a couple of them so she’s not all cooped up. When I got home, I found this on my counter—some of my most favorite treats and a roll of quarters—because they know I’m stressed, exhausted and over it. I love them.

I have the opportunity to torture my father on a regular basis.

Things my father says to me, en route to his morning appointment with “John”:

1. I’m going to go contemplate my belly button.
2. I’m headed to the library.
3. I’m dropping the kids off at school.

My Dad’s pants are preparing for a flood.